Saturday, January 16, 2016

Almost Sea Org

The Sea Org recruiter looked at me sympathetically from across the desk.

"It's too bad about your daughter. Fortunately, your husband and parents are around to look after her when she gets out of the hospital. The ticket's booked, and you need to be on that flight."

I stared back at her is disbelief. Something was terribly wrong. She couldn't possibly mean it.

It was Monday morning, and I'd had a sleepless night.

On Thursday, I'd signed a Sea Org contract, and my 5-year-old daughter and I were scheduled to leave for LA on Tuesday. I was being trained in PR, and when that was finished, after however many months, I'd be returning to Toronto. My husband knew; my parents didn't.

Friday night, my daughter started throwing up and running a fever. Nothing to be concerned about. Probably flu. She'd be fine by Monday. But I learned she was blaming herself for this.

"This is my fault. You told me we were going away and not to tell anybody. I told one of my friends at school - and now I'm sick."

The fever persisted, as did the vomiting, and she had diarrhea. She pointed to a glass of water and said, "Pass me the alligator." Hallucinating a bit from the fever. Flu symptoms. Perfectly normal. We've all be there, right?

At 3 AM Monday, she woke us up crying with stomach cramps. We caught a cab to the nearest hospital and sat in emerg while they did a spinal tap. They wheeled her back and said they were just waiting for the results. The diagnosis: meningococcal meningitis. Beyond knowing it was serious, I wasn't sure what we were dealing with.

The doctor said they would put her on IV antibiotics at once, and he gave us a prescription as well. Then he said, "Go home and get some sleep."

We got home shortly after 7 AM, and the call came at 10 AM that the emergency doctor was sending her by ambulance to Sick Children's Hospital. She'd stopped breathing, and he was afraid, if they kept her there, they'd lose her.

I'd stopped at the Org on my way back from the hospital to let the Sea Org recruiter know I couldn't leave. And now this. Her intention never wavered. There was no doubt in her mind how this would play out, no question that I had to "make it go right." It wasn't a suggestion or an invitation. It was an unequivocal order.

I was exhausted, distraught - and wondering which of was insane. Everything seemed unreal, so I was pretty sure it was me.

But I was even more certain I wasn't going.

There was clearly no point in arguing. I thought, "Fuck you," stood up and said flatly, "I'm not going," and walked out. It was a while before I stepped foot inside the Org again. And it was the last time I considered joining the Sea Org.

It all turned out well in the end. My daughter was in the hospital for a month, and had two surgeries to drain fluid from around her heart. But she recovered fully, and is now a happy, successful business owner and mother of two teenage boys - and a staunch and devout non-Scientologist.


1 comment:

  1. Very moving and unfortunately typical of what can happen in such an environment. It is simply a totally warped reality in which priorities are not the ones one should have. I think in a class V Org people tend to be more reasonable, in the Sea Org it is of course worse. I am so glad I got away from all that madness.

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